


Trenchcoat silhouette

by Party_Barnes



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Grief/Mourning, Grieving Dean, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Memories, Past Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-16
Updated: 2014-07-16
Packaged: 2018-02-09 02:44:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1965939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Party_Barnes/pseuds/Party_Barnes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Castiel dies, Dean finds it hard to come to grips with the facts. He and Sam haven't been on the best terms and he can't face talking to Crowley because he knows he misses Cas just as much. So he spends the night alone in a motel room with his fallen friends trenchcoat and tries to come to terms with the loss of his best friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Trenchcoat silhouette

**Author's Note:**

> This is a repost because I deleted the old one, I added a few things to this version. Hope you enjoy it.

The cold made it's way in through the crack in the motel window. The damp wood of the bed frame had released a stench that Dean was clinging to to keep himself from falling asleep. This wasn't the first night he had paid for a room separate to Sam, nor the first time he couldn't sleep in it. The faint stench of the cigarette Dean had sneakily smoked earlier on that day still clung to his plaid shirt he had refused to take off to sleep. He gently scratched his leg with his booted foot, keeping his hands tucked tightly under his pillow.

The room seemed too empty for Dean. He couldn't hear the quick, restless breaths of Sam as he slept because he was on the other side of the motel. Dean kept expecting to turn around and see Castiel watch over him as he slept, as he had caught him doing many times before. The torn trench coat was laid out on the bed next to where Dean refused to sleep, it's tan colour blending with the dirty sheets. Every once in a while, Dean would lift his head slightly, just to make sure that Cas was definitely not there.

As hours passed and it began to grow colder, Dean hoisted himself out of bed and dragged himself into the bathroom. The familiar tingle of his skin felt calming as he splashed water from the sink on his face. As he raised his head from the sink, he half expected to see the angel he longed for standing silently behind him. Instead he saw the dark shadow of the empty bed and the silhouette of the old trench coat.

"Dammit Dean." He growled to himself. "You don't need him, you never needed him." He lied. Dean could feel something trying to escape from the pit of his stomach where he had buried his deepest emotions. "Don't you dare" he thought just as he found himself vomiting in the toilet. Literally coughing and spluttering out his feelings, Dean realised it was time he admitted the facts to himself.

As he walked back over to the sink, Dean gently rubbed the space where the Mark Of Cain had once been, caressing the smooth skin that was now in its place. Gently lifting up the sleeve of his t-shirt, he revealed the tender scar left by Castiel all those years before. The red handprint had faded over the years to become a pale pink symbol of the bond between Dean and Castiel, only now to represent Dean's cherished memories.

Dean slowly wandered back to bed, fondling for his cell phone in the pocket of his jeans. He didn't have anybody to call now. Sam was sleeping, and even is he was awake, he wouldn't want to speak to Dean. Bobby was gone and so was Jo, and there was no way Dean could take Crowley hanging up on him. So instead of getting his head down, the oldest Winchester brother curled himself into a ball beside the trench coat and dialled.

"Hi, this is the voicemail of . . . "  
"I - I, I don't understand . . . Why do you want me to say my name?"  
*multiple buttons being pushed*

Dean played the voicemail over and over again until his cell phone died, cherishing each second of Castiel's angelic voice. "Cas you son of a bitch!" He spoke into the air in a low, angry voice. "Castiel you better bring your sorry ass back to me or so help me God!" He screamed, tears forcing their way out as despair jumped out of Dean's throat. His voice bounced in and out of anger and desperation as he cried for Cas to return to him.

"How could you do this, man?" He choked. "You - you were my best friend. Nobody knew me like you did Cas, and as much as I hate to admit it, I - I - fucking loved you man." Finally he gave in, choking out his words as his tears drowned his cheeks. Dean picked up the trench coat and squeezed it to his chest. "You were my soulmate. We were brothers, more than brothers!" He continued to sob into the coat, inhaling the smell of charcoal and the cologne he had given to Cas as a Christmas present. He always wanted to act human, but drowning himself in cologne wasn't the best path for him.

Dean smiled to himself as he thought of that Christmas.  
"I don't understand, why are trees Christmassy?" Castiel had asked. Sam had only laughed at him whereas Dean shoved a beer into his hand and said, "dude, nothing about Christmas makes sense. Just enjoy the gifts!"

The brothers rarely celebrated Christmas, but with Sam, Dean, Cas and Crowley all getting along for a few days, it was hard not to.  
"Merry Christmas Moose!" Crowley had said as he shoved a pair of antlers onto Sam's head. "And these are for you sorry assholes!" He added as he tossed a giraffe mask at Cas and a squirrel tail at Dean.

Dean could feel himself aching to call Crowley; he knew that he missed Cas just as badly. There was no way he was going to get over this. Pulling the blanket over his body and nestling into the trench coat, Dean whispered to himself, though he knew Cas would be listening somewhere; "If heaven and hell is where humans go when they die, and monsters go to purgatory, I'm sure as hell you angels go somewhere. Now I know that there is an escape from heaven and hell and purgatory, I mean hell I escaped all three, so I know that you are going to come back to me." He looked out of the dark window and directly at a single star. "If it takes me the rest of my life, I will find a way to bring you back, Cas. I promise you that, because I can't do this without you." Tears began streaming again as Dean struggled to get out those final words, "you weren't supposed to die. So I will fight with my last breath to bring you back. I promise you Cas, I won't let you down."


End file.
